Something Old, Something New

It was evident from afar; the fairy lights, the echo of chatter, the incense of the holy fire. The happy air of the wedding about to take place was spread across the city and beyond. What was hidden, though, was the anxiety of the brown-eyed girl who couldn’t keep her feet still. Samaira stared at herself in the mirror, the silk draped around her like a dream. A few spiral staircases below, she could hear the priest getting ready to chant the vows. The bridesmaids were gearing up to sprinkle the flower petals. The crowd was waiting to witness the ceremony. Everyone was ready. Everyone but her.

Her heart was pounding in her chest with the secret she couldn’t hold in any longer. She had to see him, and she had to do it now. Samaira tiptoed across the floor garnished with blouses and pearls, and made her way out. She opened the door to his room, and there he was; standing tall and handsome like always. He gave her the smile she’d lost her heart to ten years ago.

“Isn’t this considered bad luck?” he asked with a smirk.

“That’s just applicable to the bride and groom, silly.”

“Oh, right.” They both smiled.

 “I can’t believe I’m getting married.” He said with an averting gaze.

“None of us can. Didn’t you just get your driving license?”

As she watched him laugh, she knew she couldn’t evade it anymore. Drawing her breath and saying a silent prayer, she blurted out the words.

“I love you, Adi.”

“I love you too, Sammy.” He replied effortlessly.

“No. I…”

Hesitant, she continued, “I lied. I lied to you before. All those nights ago, when you asked me if I had feelings for you, and I denied, I was lying.”

Halfway through brushing the wrinkles off his shirt, his creased eyebrows waited for an explanation.

“… I had no other choice. It was either my love or our friendship, and I chose us. Of course I did. How could I not? I knew I would tell you someday, and that someday became your girlfriend and then your fiancé and now your wife-to-be. That someday became everything I wished I could be. I’m sorry I chose that someday to be today. Today of all days. Today ten minutes before your wedding.”

He turned to face her, and stood still. Ten years of friendship and ten thousand conversations later, this was the moment that got them both silent.

“I know it’s all irrelevant now and I don’t mean to confuse you. Believe me, but, I had to tell you because you’re my best friend and I tell you everything and my timing couldn’t have been worse, but I had to tell you. You can hate me if you want to, but, please don’t. It’s just…”

Before his silence could choke her words, he saved her midway and buried her trembling arms into his, and she drowned. She drowned till her kajal left a stain on his shirt and her tears left a mark on his breath. He wiped them away. The mistake, the guilt, the ignorance.

Adi looked at his best friend’s embarrassment and asked with his quivering voice, “You’ll still be my child’s godmother, right?”

With gratitude reflecting in her eyes, Samaira lightly punched his arm, and they laughed. They laughed because they knew everything had changed and everything would change and the only thing that would remain is the memory of their laughter.

“Come on, I have a wedding to be in.” Adi nudged her forward.

Holding each other’s nervous hands, they stepped outside, leaving behind the world that was just theirs and would always be, with an unspoken vow to return to it and escape.

The route to the stage welcomed the charming groom with gasps of breathlessness. Giving his palm an assuring squeeze, Samaira prodded him towards his new beginning, while she joined the bandwagon of admirers. As Aditya saw his bride approaching the altar, Samaira recognized a familiar spark in his eyes, the spark she had every time she looked at him; and that’s when she knew that her best friend was happy. So, she let him go.

She let him go because she had to. Because it was killing her. It was killing her like nothing else ever had, and nothing else ever would. She knew she would wake up with nightmares in her eyes and blood in her throat. And it would keep killing her till she had no more life left in her to love. But until that moment came, she promised to love him. She promised to love him till the voices in her head stopped screaming, and her skin couldn’t hide the pain. She promised to say goodbye with their dreams and his love echoing in her mouth. She promised to meet him in the beyond, hoping then, she would be enough for him. If not, her remains would survive with the half-rainbow of his memories. But for now, she had to let him go.