Numb

*Emma: … I guess I wanted to hear your voice. I know we broke up, but…

Adam: Emma, we didn't break up. We never started.*

1:42 a.m.

 A cup of warm, delicious black tea.

A pair of tired but sleepless eyes.

And thoughts. Loads and loads of skittish thoughts.  

Oh, and of course, memories.

Isn't it strange, that when your heart breaks, it’s not the pain, it’s not the tears; it’s the numbness. The shock that you could actually love someone so much that their absence made you feel hollow from the very tip of your nerves. ‘Cause if it doesn't feel like you’re going to break down any moment, then you probably never loved him enough. ‘Cause if it doesn't feel like your world is coming crashing down, then your life never really revolved around him.

Yeah, that’s how it feels. That’s exactly how lost and broken and inexplicably incomplete you feel.

Next comes the question, and the brooding: was he ever really made for you? When you were ready to leave every part of your precious world behind just to build a new world with him, was he even ready to cross a tiny hurdle for you? And if the answer is no, then he probably was never meant to be.

But then again, if he not being there makes you question your existence, even if he drives you crazy every single night, even if he challenges you, and even if he’s absolutely psychologically challenged, don’t give up on him. Don’t give up on the ‘us’ that can happen. ‘Cause if every dream of yours enfolds and ends with him, then he’s worth all the tears and those soggy pillows.

Love is never easy. It never was, it never will be. But you know what is easy? Loving someone. Loving them with every bit of love left in you, and loving each other; so much so that the universe will be forced to give up and make way for you. You didn't think and calculate and contemplate before falling in love, then why so after you've already fallen hard? Let time take its toll, let God pull the strings, let destiny guide you through. And amidst all this, just hold him close, and never let go. ‘Cause your love will be tested, every minute, every second. And you just have to get through.

‘Cause you know what awaits you at the end of the tunnel? Life. Your life with the one you love. A life of dreams come true. So, coming to think of it, a few scars and a handful of sleepless nights seems like a small price, doesn't it? J

*Wait, you should know that if you come any closer,
I'm not letting you go..*

Not yet

You’re holding my hand now

I don’t know when you’ll let go,

We’re living this moment together,

But you might as well find another.

Cause baby you’re not mine yet

I fear you’ll have your heart set,

And you might see in one or two

The things that I see in you.  

I see the look in your eyes

I smile at the thoughts that cross my mind,

I watch the future that’s yet to be

I dream of when you’ll notice me.

Cause the leaves have fallen

And the snow is melting,

The stars have shone down

 But my night is still empty.

 And when you come close

You can feel the beats I skip,

Don’t you do that to me

I’m losing control over the words I miss.

Cause darling it’s been you all along

The one who keeps me up all night,

The one who breaks my heart and makes me cry

But in the end makes everything alright. 

And now I’m waiting,

Waiting in the dark,

Waiting for the song to play,

Waiting for you to say.

Cause baby you’re not mine yet

I fear you’ll have your heart set,

And you might see in one or two

The things that I see in you.

- Sayantani Sarkar. 

Will you?

                                                                             

If I ever go missing,

Will you come looking for me?

Digging the junk of yesterday,

Will you be able to describe me?

If somewhere your memory betrays you,

If ever you fail to remember me,

Think of the places we explored together,

Think of the songs we discovered together.

The sun that shone on our faces,

The drops our footsteps left behind,

Will guide you through your way,

To a place that was once ours.

Touch your face, where the scar was,

Trace your lips, that I kissed everyday,

Drop a tear from those childlike eyes,

Eyes which made me dream of tomorrow.

Hold on to us, don’t give up too easily,

Promise me you’ll go on, promise me you’ll keep your promise,

Run to the alley, search the bridges,

Because I’ll be just there, waiting to be found.

- Sayantani Sarkar.