Sillage

And when you finally call,

Moments or seasons or years from now,

And you ask me how I’ve been,

I’ll say I've been fine.

There were nights so dark,

I couldn't see through the maze

To find my way to breathe again.

I was fine.

I remember my voiceless screams,

So that I wouldn’t wake up the nightmares

I had so much difficulty putting to sleep.

I was fine.

The glass on the floor, blurred

With the scars on my wrists

While lying upside down. 

I was fine.

The sweat on my forehead,

The salt from my sunken cheeks,

The taste of blood in my mouth.

I was fine.

Reaching for air and grabbing

The hollow bubble of your memories,

Stinging my pink flakes.

I was fine.  

Choking on my own cough, 

My throat clenching with

The memory of your laughter.

I was fine.

The blames, the fights, the marks,

The letters, the vows, the stars,

The incomplete bucket-list.

I was fine.

Our songs, the broken snow globe,

Our places, the cracked lampshade,

Our secrets, the empty couch.

I was fine.

A child, a man, a shadow,

The person, my person,

Lost, betrayed, gone.

I was fine.

When you ask, I’ll say,

With love and fire in my eyes,

“Thank you for asking,

I've been fine.”

 - Sayantani Sarkar.