It was evident from
afar; the fairy lights, the echo of chatter, the incense of the holy fire. The
happy air of the wedding about to take place was spread across the city and
beyond. What was hidden, though, was the anxiety of the brown-eyed girl who
couldn’t keep her feet still. Samaira stared at herself in the mirror, the silk
draped around her like a dream. A few spiral staircases below, she could hear the
priest getting ready to chant the vows. The bridesmaids were gearing up to
sprinkle the flower petals. The crowd was waiting to witness the ceremony.
Everyone was ready. Everyone but her.
Her heart was pounding
in her chest with the secret she couldn’t hold in any longer. She had to see him,
and she had to do it now. Samaira tiptoed across the floor garnished with
blouses and pearls, and made her way out. She opened the door to his room, and
there he was; standing tall and handsome like always. He gave her the smile she’d
lost her heart to ten years ago.
“Isn’t this considered
bad luck?” he asked with a smirk.
“That’s just applicable
to the bride and groom, silly.”
“Oh, right.” They both
smiled.
“I can’t believe I’m getting married.” He said
with an averting gaze.
“None of us can. Didn’t
you just get your driving license?”
As she watched him
laugh, she knew she couldn’t evade it anymore. Drawing her breath and saying a silent prayer, she blurted out the words.
“I love you, Adi.”
“I love you too, Sammy.”
He replied effortlessly.
“No. I…”
Hesitant, she
continued, “I lied. I lied to you before. All those nights ago, when you asked
me if I had feelings for you, and I denied, I was lying.”
Halfway through
brushing the wrinkles off his shirt, his creased eyebrows waited for an explanation.
“… I had no other
choice. It was either my love or our friendship, and I chose us. Of course I
did. How could I not? I knew I would tell you someday, and that someday became
your girlfriend and then your fiancé and now your wife-to-be. That someday
became everything I wished I could be. I’m sorry I chose that someday to be
today. Today of all days. Today ten minutes before your wedding.”
He turned to face her,
and stood still. Ten years of friendship and ten thousand conversations later,
this was the moment that got them both silent.
“I know it’s all irrelevant
now and I don’t mean to confuse you. Believe me, but, I had to tell you because
you’re my best friend and I tell you everything and my timing couldn’t have
been worse, but I had to tell you. You can hate me if you want to, but, please
don’t. It’s just…”
Before his silence
could choke her words, he saved her midway and buried her trembling arms into
his, and she drowned. She drowned till her kajal left a stain on his shirt and
her tears left a mark on his breath. He wiped them away. The mistake, the
guilt, the ignorance.
Adi looked at his best
friend’s embarrassment and asked with his quivering voice, “You’ll still be my
child’s godmother, right?”
With gratitude reflecting
in her eyes, Samaira lightly punched his arm, and they laughed. They laughed
because they knew everything had changed and everything would change and the
only thing that would remain is the memory of their laughter.
“Come on, I have a
wedding to be in.” Adi nudged her forward.
Holding each other’s
nervous hands, they stepped outside, leaving behind the world that was just
theirs and would always be, with an unspoken vow to return to it and escape.
The route to the stage welcomed
the charming groom with gasps of breathlessness. Giving his palm an assuring
squeeze, Samaira prodded him towards his new beginning, while she joined the
bandwagon of admirers. As Aditya saw his bride approaching the altar, Samaira recognized
a familiar spark in his eyes, the spark she had every time she looked at him;
and that’s when she knew that her best friend was happy. So, she let him go.
She let him go because
she had to. Because it was killing her. It was killing her like nothing else
ever had, and nothing else ever would. She knew she would wake up with
nightmares in her eyes and blood in her throat. And it would keep killing her
till she had no more life left in her to love. But until that moment came, she
promised to love him. She promised to love him till the voices in her head stopped
screaming, and her skin couldn’t hide the pain. She promised to say goodbye
with their dreams and his love echoing in her mouth. She promised to meet him
in the beyond, hoping then, she would be enough for him. If not, her remains
would survive with the half-rainbow of his memories. But for now, she had to
let him go.
